The Rewards of Sharing Vulnerability
by Dr. Kixx Goldman

I know I talk a lot about Misty and Ned, the two main characters in my story “The Promise”. I’ve fallen in love with them. They seem so real to me. Their relationship is similar in many ways to the many couples I helped to heal.

I wrote Six Pillars of Personal Empowerment, drawn from my healing work with clients. Sharing vulnerability — mutual self-disclosure of inner thoughts and deeper emotions and communicating feelings are the ingredients that can help us to develop closeness in relationships. Did Misty figure that out?

When we left her at the end of the story, we noted that she had resolved her trauma through the mentorship of Susan, the creativity of dance and her relationships with the other dancers in her troupe. Ned, not having good sources of support, was still struggling with his troubles.

The other day, I started thinking about what else might have contributed to Misty’s success in healing and her emotional well-being – and Ned’s difficulties.

I decided then that sharing vulnerability is another dimension that’s illustrated in the story. Let’s take a look at the part it plays in a character’s emotional well-being. Misty intuitively understood its importance. When she and Ned are sitting in front of the fire one evening, there’s an opportunity for them to share experiences, inner thoughts, and the feelings that accompany them. At this point, Misty tells Ned how inspirational the dancer Susan was in her life, revealing much about herself in the process. Ned, on the other hand, simply says to the reader, I’d fallen in love with this beautiful woman…I would have done anything except talk about my childhood.”

Later, after meeting the evil Jezzamine, Misty reveals even more about herself and her past by sharing a traumatic childhood secret about her little brother.

As with Misty, the emotions we share may be related to unresolved grief, past frustrations and failures, inadequacies or loneliness. Communicating our feelings and hearing those of others will help us to understand and be understood, in order to achieve closeness.

**Suggested Action to share fears and hurt feelings:
If it’s difficult for you to share your fears or hurt feelings with a family member or friend, start small, choose one thing and follow the advice, feel the fear and do it anyway. It’s about risk taking and knowing that, despite your possible anxiety or the outcome of sharing, you stepped out of your comfort zone and took the risk. This will likely help you build self-confidence and self-trust. In my newsletters and blogs, I’ve written about how much I’ve learned from writing and publishing my short stories—Speak From Your Heart and Be Heard: Stories of Courage and Healing.

*In my recently published chapter in The Habits Code, “Speaking from My Heart,” I was inspired to share my thoughts about how my new learning– and growing awareness—became a guidepost for change in my own personal life. “Speak from your heart” has become my mantra.

I also shared that I’ve concluded that speaking up and from my own heart required me to trust myself.

Warm thoughts,
Kixx Goldman

Speak From Your Heart and Be Heard: Stories of Courage and Healing is available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle and some independent bookstores.